Picture this, a little girl tugging on her on her mothers shirt because she didn't want to be late for her first day of dance class. The eager, excited, nervous little one was ready to dance. She was ready to become a star! She pretty much considered herself to already be a great dancer. After all, she had danced around in front of her bedroom mirror many times before. And put on dance productions for her very own mother as she tried to hold back her laughter while she watched her daughter jump and stumble around the living room. If you haven't guessed yes this little clumsy, lanky long haired little girl who usually had her recital costumes covered in either make up or food crumbs is in fact me!
Dance has always been a love of mine. Ever since I was a little girl I loved movement. I loved the way that you could make your body twist and turn and it didn't matter how many turns or how high you jumped all you were doing was expressing yourself. As I got into high school I became more serious about dance, I took more classes and spent more time in the studio. It was a tiny group of girls that I danced with but no matter how hard or how annoyed we got with each other we were a family. I loved going into the studio, I couldn't wait to perform and get on the stage, I couldn't wait to learn. But then it all changed.
It wasn't anything said or anyone did, I mean I was being challenged to be a better dance and I was advancing into higher classes as my pace not the pace of others around me. What happened is I started letting the enemy attack me with lies. I started to think that I was not good enough, I was not a beautiful dancer like all the others around me. I had friends that supported me and encouraged me, but any dancer out there knows that you strive to be your best. Some might have a little bit more of a competition then others but you want to be at your highest point as a dancer. Deep down inside you wan tot be the one who knows the whole combination, the one with the highest kicks and the most turns. Some dancers show it more then others but everyone wants to be their best.
There is also another thing that some dancers talk about its called COMPARISON!!! the dread full lie that makes you feel like you are not good enough and, you are worse than all the other dancers around you. Your jumps are low your turns are sloppy and you always stand in the back while learning a combination. This was me, I let the lies flood into my mind. I hated being put into the front for combinations, I absolutely hatted when we did leaps across the floor and every time one of my teachers gave me feedback or fixed what I was doing, I felt like the worst one in the room.The worst part about this whole thing was dance was becoming less of something that I loved to do and more of something that I had to do. I had to practice my turns and leaps before I could learn the dance I had to do countless stretches and warm ups before I could perform on stage. I started to question if dance was something that I really wanted to do with my life. I started just going for my friends and skipping when I didn't feel like going, It was my life, I didn't need dance anymore.
When I was at my first YWAM school, The summer programs in Montana, I remember we were sitting in the classroom talking about dance in worship and how its a powerful thing, I had done it a few times growing up in church but I honestly thought it was pretty silly. Not dancing to choreographed dances and just coming up with movement and using it as an act of worship? at the end of class the teacher put music on and said "ok your turn, worship God through your dancing" I was terrified. I was not going to come up with random moment, i'm not even a choreographer what am I going to do? look at all the other girls, their so much better then I am at dancing. No, no thank you, I will just sit in the back and worship like normal.
God spoke to me that day, he asked me "Monica why do you dance?' well because I enjoy it "Monica how does it make you feel when you dance?" well it makes me feel good, like I am in control of what I am doing "Monica I have given you a voice, not one that comes from your lungs but through your moment, I want you to speak through your dance. Monica dance is an expression of who you are, and what you feel not, in imitation of the teachers moment. Monica when you dance your telling a story. I have made you to dance the way you dance not like anyone else" Dance is this story we get to tell through our body. We can express what we are feeling when we have no words to speak,we as dancers get the privilege to capture people and bring them into this world of the arts. We bring together two worlds, art and worship. It doesn't matter if your the best of the best or have the longest lines or the best turns. How you feel when your out there performing and telling a story is the same exact way you should feel when your in front of that mirror in the studio or wherever you are. Now don't get me wrong I have loved dancing and in high school I would of been lost without it and it helped me to express myself through some dark times, and I even need to keep working on my weakness of comparison but I know that God has called me to this. To share with people that worshiping God and using your gifts can look different than the normal.
Why am I going on and on about dance? I am glad you asked! I have the amazing opportunity to do the School of dance with YWAM in Minneapolis Minnesota. We will be living in the city being in community and learning all about dance and training in it. Its a nine month school and I will be working very hard. the reason I am doing this is not to become the best dancer or to learn how to choreograph the best dances. Honestly I am going, to show myself that I can do this, that I am good enough to train with other amazing dancers and that God has placed a passion in my heart for dance. My prayer for these next months is that I fall in love with dance all over again, that I become that little girl eager to get to class that I will find the movement to be able to tell my story and that I will have the strength to do this.
Also I want to say that even if your not a dancer you can still relate, If its in your ministry or your hobbies, or what you feel like your called to do. Why did you do it in the first place? you don't have to be the best of the best just be willing to be used and ready for God to take you on a crazy adventure! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment