But then again I never thought that I would be able to be a leader and to be able to lead out of brokenness, Let me explain. Two months before summer, the opportunity to staff the YWAM Montana summer of dance came up, a two month program for students 16 and up. Its a program that doesn't require a Discipleship Training School but just coming with an open heart and a passion for missions. When I decided to commit for the summer programs I did not know what I was getting myself into! I came into the school with a lot of nerves and fears about staffing. But I didn't know that through this whole experience of staffing I was going to learn so much.
I believed the lie that says "you have to be free of your past before you can lead others" I thought that I had to have won all my battles of the past so I could help others through theirs. The thing is, that God loves to use us no matter where we are in our life. Yes, in order to lead others you would have to of walked through things with him but you don't have to have all the answers. You you can still be walking through a journey. I carried all this pressure on myself to try to be the best leader I could be. To be prepared to answer all the questions that anyone would have. But the thing is, its not me who is leading its God. It's not me who has to come up with the right answer or what to say, but just being willing to be used by Him and to trust Him.
Our school theme for this summer was "With Everything" based off of the scripture:
Proverbs 3:5-6
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding
in all your ways acknowledge him
and he will make your path straight.
and lean not on your own understanding
in all your ways acknowledge him
and he will make your path straight.
The idea came from a challenge that God was giving all of us this summer, staff and students combined. it was a challenge to trust God with everything. To jump off the cliff without knowing what was down below. To trust God that He would catch you and let him do what he wants, in your heart, and in your life. I will tell you one thing, I saw every student and staff live that out this summer, I saw everyone jump regardless of fear, regardless of there past, they jumped with open arms willing to be changed and transformed by God.
The first month we spent training and learning on base, we would all gather in the mornings and engage in worship together followed by lecture. We would learn different topics such as Father heart of God, Hearing the voice of God and others. The afternoons were for training in your program the dancers would have technique class and rehearsals. It was in this month were I was stretched and found the love I have for discipleship. I was given the opportunity to choreograph a dance to bring on outreach, I was very nervous and felt completely unequipped. However God knew that through this opportunity I would learn how to rely on him and to open up and healing would come. I allowed myself to go deep with God and get creative. My choreography was based on a lot of the pain of my past that I had gone through, feeling so broken but yet God makes us into something beautiful. I set the piece on 4 beautiful dancers, not knowing much about them in the beginning I just picked them out of random, little did I know that this dance was not only powerful for my heart but they brought there own story into it, there own pain and there own freedom into the dance and I saw the chains break off of them as they danced.
God loves to stretch us and teach us things even if we have already learned them, He just wants to take us deeper in that. My fear of staffing came form insecurities that I had, fears of not knowing how to lead. That I would be at a loss of words or not have answers to questions burning inside there hearts. I had the privilege of being two beautiful girls one on one. We would meet once a week or whenever they needed to talk and we would walk through things or ask questions or just pray. My two one on ones names were Shelley and Bethany. When I first met with them I have to admit I was stricken with fear and doubt, I didn't know what I would say to them. I didn't even think they really wanted to talk to me. I was struggling with coming up with words to say and questions to ask! then one day God spoke:
"Monica my daughter why are you so afraid don't you know that you are not alone when you speak to them. Trust me that I have the words to say, just listen"
You know its funny how things change when you just listen and trust in God. It wasn't me speaking. It was a privilege to walk with them through this summer experience. My heart was filled with joy as I saw them begin to understand who they really are in Christ. When they would come to me and weep because of some revelation that God had shown them. All I could do was fall on my knees and thank God that he used me, this stubborn broken girl to mentor and disciple two unbelievably smart beautiful Daughters of Christ.
The first month we spent training and learning on base, we would all gather in the mornings and engage in worship together followed by lecture. We would learn different topics such as Father heart of God, Hearing the voice of God and others. The afternoons were for training in your program the dancers would have technique class and rehearsals. It was in this month were I was stretched and found the love I have for discipleship. I was given the opportunity to choreograph a dance to bring on outreach, I was very nervous and felt completely unequipped. However God knew that through this opportunity I would learn how to rely on him and to open up and healing would come. I allowed myself to go deep with God and get creative. My choreography was based on a lot of the pain of my past that I had gone through, feeling so broken but yet God makes us into something beautiful. I set the piece on 4 beautiful dancers, not knowing much about them in the beginning I just picked them out of random, little did I know that this dance was not only powerful for my heart but they brought there own story into it, there own pain and there own freedom into the dance and I saw the chains break off of them as they danced.
God loves to stretch us and teach us things even if we have already learned them, He just wants to take us deeper in that. My fear of staffing came form insecurities that I had, fears of not knowing how to lead. That I would be at a loss of words or not have answers to questions burning inside there hearts. I had the privilege of being two beautiful girls one on one. We would meet once a week or whenever they needed to talk and we would walk through things or ask questions or just pray. My two one on ones names were Shelley and Bethany. When I first met with them I have to admit I was stricken with fear and doubt, I didn't know what I would say to them. I didn't even think they really wanted to talk to me. I was struggling with coming up with words to say and questions to ask! then one day God spoke:
"Monica my daughter why are you so afraid don't you know that you are not alone when you speak to them. Trust me that I have the words to say, just listen"
You know its funny how things change when you just listen and trust in God. It wasn't me speaking. It was a privilege to walk with them through this summer experience. My heart was filled with joy as I saw them begin to understand who they really are in Christ. When they would come to me and weep because of some revelation that God had shown them. All I could do was fall on my knees and thank God that he used me, this stubborn broken girl to mentor and disciple two unbelievably smart beautiful Daughters of Christ.
As much as I learned and grew during the lecture phase I think I grew a lot during outreach. We were in Cambodia for a month and we were all split up during outreach. The dancers were sent out 2 hours outside of Phnom Penh in a little village called Kampot. We stayed in a youth development center and taught English for most of our time. Now when I say we taught English for most of our time I mean we traded in our dancing shoes for white board markers and English books. We barley danced, it was only for an hour a day, we taught English and none of us had experience in that, many of the students didn't speak English, it was hot and there were many bugs. But yet it was such a good experience. And I saw God move every day. I saw God int the coconut workers when all four of them gave there lives to Christ, I saw God in the elderly lady at church who was healed of back pain and leg problems, I saw God in the little children in the preschool who didn't get love at home and we got to show them true love, I saw God in the Cambodian students praying to God for the first time. And I saw it in the young boy who took our dance classes even though they were only an hour a day changed the way he viewed God, and came to realize that He could worship God and was not afraid to go home and share his faith with his family. But most of all I saw Christ in the team that I led, I saw a group of 8 girls go into a village not knowing what they were getting themselves into, not expecting a lot of the challenges they were going to face. Every day I would see these girls lay down there rights and do what needed to be done. They put themselves aside and loved on the people of Cambodia, I saw them encourage the leaders of Cambodia. I was so blessed to be able to laugh, cry and serve along side these 8 beautiful dancers. But I could not of done it without my 2 other co leaders, they challenged me, encouraged me and kept me going even when I felt I wanted to give up. I got to witness, a group of 8 dancers and 3 leaders begin to change the atmosphere of Cambodia .
So I guess through all my rambling, my point is that even in our fears, even in our worry and doubt, God can still use us, even in our brokenness. When we don't have the words to say He speaks, when we feel alone He listens. He loves to stretch us and take us deeper. And really the only thing we have to do is trust, and know that when we jump, He will catch you!
So I guess through all my rambling, my point is that even in our fears, even in our worry and doubt, God can still use us, even in our brokenness. When we don't have the words to say He speaks, when we feel alone He listens. He loves to stretch us and take us deeper. And really the only thing we have to do is trust, and know that when we jump, He will catch you!
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