The pause button

Right now I am sitting in this little cafe, sipping on my chi tea and listening to some good music (Will Reagan & United Pursuit!) and occasionally eavesdropping on the conversations next to me. But while all this in going on I am waiting for my food to be brought to me. I am kinda getting impatient not gonna lie, I am pretty hungry and I want my food I don't want to wait. Monica why are you writing about waiting for food what is your point?...stay with me I am going somewhere with this. you see I feel like these past 5 moths of my life have been nothing but waiting! waiting for someone to call me back, waiting for money to come in, waiting for God to tell me what the next step in my life is! Its like someone just hit the pause button and forgot to hit play!

After coming home from my trip to Nepal I was so excited, it was like this fire, this passion was lit in me and I was on this high, this excitement, I wanted to make a big change, to make a huge difference and put a stop to Human trafficking. So I started to raise awareness , I went to some churches and just shared my heart, Now believe me I am no professional about Human Trafficking, I only know a few facts and some horrific stories that I heard over in Nepal. but that's just it I only wanted to share my heart I wanted people to understand and grasp the really heartbreaking and eye opening  reality of it. Anyway i'm off topic again bare with me. So I got home and I really wanted to make a difference, I just got back from the YWAM Colorado school of Basic Christian Counselling and I thought that's what I needed to do. I started to apply to ministries with counselling opportunities or for internships, I started going to churches telling everyone that I was going right back on the mission field Why? because that is honestly what I thought that is what I was supposed to do. And I still do believe that is what God wants me to do, I am going to be used in a way to help council people who have been hurt and broken, I want to see them walk into the freedom that God has for them. But it might not be God's time. I have had a passion for 2 things people and dance. I know that God is going to combine both of those and make something great for me. 

I will admit that being home has not been the easiest time in my life or even the most exciting but it has been pretty challenging. I have felt stuck like if I wasn't on the mission field or helping poor people in a third world country I was not in God's will. The last past year of my life was filled with adventure and freedom, I experienced God like I never had before. Being home a lot of the things that I was freed from, the pain or the temptations where all there back home waiting for me. So being home and having all the things and even people that I wanted to run from I was stuck with back home. I thought maybe I should just push this along and start making opportunities for myself ......... yea smart thinking. Well this is what mine and God conversations went like. 

So I applied for some internships and I heard God say 

Monica do you trust me? 

Yea God I trust you.

Well that Door closed 

I applied for another YWAM school, Again God asked

Monica do you trust me?

Yes God I do trust you.

Well another door closed 

Ok well I am not supposed to be home so I will apply for staff for YWAM 

Monica do you trust me? 

God I already told you yes I do! 

and another door closed 

Ok well I guess I will just go on another mission trip somewhere I have never been before. 

Monica do you trust me? 

Yes God why do you keep asking me this you know that I trust you 

Than why are you trying to make plans happen when they are not my plans for you? 

oh wow mind blown! I get it I need to trust in God that he does have plans for me. in his timing, they might not be what I had in my mind but God's plans are always better than ours. Now I decided to really trust in God and surrender everything to him. I still don't know exactly why I am staying home but I do know that I have been learning so much and really learning to truly trust in God. It has been a time of processing this last past year of my life and resting in God. I have experienced so much more healing and I have gained an understanding of his just hanging out with Jesus. Do you know how cool it is to just sit with Jesus, he wants to just hang out with me, it doesn't matter if I am on the mission field or in a third world country, he just wants to hang out. 

But the really most important thing I have learned being home is that he does have amazing plans for me, maybe not in my timing but his and I cant wait to see what they are. I do have some opportunities coming up in the near future and I am excited because I did not force them or try to make them happen I  just waited.

I heard this really cool quote. 

              Until God opens a  door I will praise him in the hallway 

I am choosing to trust in him and wait. Oh and my food finally did come and it was well worth the wait :)